WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAV TO DO TO GET IT TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!

ok latly stuff has really be going wrong and it just wont fucking stop its one thing after another and no one gets it . my stupid moms BF wont leave me alone for more then a sec hes alway saying stuff to me that makes me feel like crap and I hate it he even has to make us play with his fucking kids its horribal and I hate it and my mom keeps thinking that its nothing!!!!!!!!!! and on top of that she wants to take the com away from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i mean the computer is the only thing I have theres nothing else that I do during the day I mean I watch Tv and ea but thoughs are the only other thing I do my life is nothing I dont have one almost all of my friends are online and the ones that arnt online I barly see so I dont get to hang out with anyone!!!!!!!!!!! I have no intrest no talents hobbies nothing like that!!!!!! if she taks the computer then the only thing all have is food and Tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this !!!!!!!! and it summer summers arnt suppost to be broring there supost to be the time when you can have fun and do things with your friends and family but I dont get to do any of that!!!!!! i hate i my summer is going to be boring and lonly....... oh and I finly started to like a guy but he dosnt know and I dont think I can tell him cuse if I do im just going to wreck things with us and again I hate that to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well I guess my life is coming to where i dont really have anything and im not even out of high school..............................................if feel like killing myself

She was only 13

this sad little poem made me cry

Her dad was drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept herLocked in an attic
Her only friendwas a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair
She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound
Until her parents unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endore
A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?
But she grabs her bear
And softly crysShe loves her parents
But they want her to die
She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,"Please God, why isMy life always sinking?"
Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did
Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by
Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made
She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,"You deserve to dieYou worthless piece of crap!"
The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying
Police showed upAt the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse
One officer slowly
Opened a doorTo find the little girl
Lying dead on the floor
It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

some stuff............

ok ya some poems I could really relst to and liked alot these are done by some friends on DA

Turn me Inside out,

So that I can't hide my Feelings

and Thoughts

Flip ME upside Down So I can Spil it all out

To Let you know everything i fear.

I'm hurting inside,

crying in pain

On the outside its all smiles

eyes sprkle with glee

In the inside Bloodshot and crying.

A Knife Jabing my heart with out notice.

Bleeding With and every laugh i force out.

I need help

I need to be Held

I need Someone to turn this around,

Turn me Inside out

Flip Me Upside Down

Im tierd of killing myslef slowly.
by GoneUnder

Sweet Little Lies

Sperd Across you Lips

Making everyword sound hole.

Even though they are empy promises.

Never kept, but said.

Sweet Little lies,

Makes all the diffrents To those you have told.

The think the know you and your story,

But all they know is sweet little lies,

the ones that keep them happy,

And then hurt in the end,

Replace the Pain with more Sweet Little Lies,

How they still Trust you I'll Never know,

Yet again,

All i even know isYour Sweet Little Lies

by GoneUnder

People Think,

That I'm Strange,

Only BecauseI Dont do what They Do,

Want what They Want, And

Tell them what they Don't Want to Hear,

I Am Strange.

I Know I Am,

But not In the way You Think.

People Think,

I Have No Life,

For I sit here

And Wright poems,Draw,Espress myself,

When All They DoIs sit around,Doing Nothing...So I guess, My life is Pretty Good.

People Think,

Im Depressed,

For i don't yell out what i Feel,

Don't They know,

Somethings Are better left

Unsaid.

And Most of the time,

I'm happy.

Happyer then They ever Will be.

People Think,What People Think.

They Don't Have a mind Of they'er own.

So I Think,

That yha,

maybe I am all though things,

For Know one eles,

Shares my mind

by GoneUnder

my little friend is back!!!!!!( who said that??)

well as I said my little frind is my , its my little friend the demon. now my deamon friend isnt a demon I just disided to call him that because he keeps me up at nights and looking over my shoulder as if there was a demon there. now I cant see my deamon but I here him all the time but the only thing he ever says is my name. I dont know why but thats all he says all be siting in the house alone and all here my name being calld or all wake up at night to here some one saying my name. I find it really strang and a bit scarey but at the same time I like to think im not alone witch is good cuse I hate feeling alone. I like my demon he ust to be aroun d all the time in grad 8 but then I just stoped hereing him and now hes back!!!!!!

I dont really have a pic in my head about what he would look like and I kinda dont want to know . I like not being able to see him because that way I wont judge him on anything on looks or get scared pver all I think my demon is really kool I mean I dont know anyother people with one so it makes me feel special lol and I like that :)

ok well I geuss I should talk about my day well it was boiling hot!!!!! and I was out side for most of the day witch sucked but I was out saide to have fun you see my old school had some little carnival thing going on with games and stuff I me mg and shannon had to mage one of the games witch was good because it was in side where there was air condisioning!!!!!! well I had fun and even better em came by and stayed at the game with us so we got to talk and just hang out

( at the end I got this really cute looking haky sack!!) I had a lot of fun I bought like 8 things of cothen candy! (a new recocrd sinces last year where I downd 5 of them) witch rocked!!!!!!!!!!! but I spent like 17 dollers on food alone because I couldnt stop eating lol so I cant go down town tomorow witch sucks but oh well next time

well going to go I think that candy is coming back to hunt me lol

bye bye

sick of it!!!!!!(never around)

IM tierd

tierd of trying and never geting anywhere

tierd of losing

tierd of making a fool of myself

tierd of being diff

tierd of being sad

tierd of being lonly

tierd of being disaponted

tierd of being betrad

tierd of geting hurt

im soo tierd of it all I really just want it to end but I know I cant do that to leave all these people behind like they keep leaving me would be wrong. I know that everyone gets tierd but IM tierd al the time now and it dosnt end IM tierd when I got to bed and IM tierd when I wake up IM tierd when Im in class and IM tied when Im alone!!!!!!

im tierd and the only time IM not is when IM with friends I love being aournd my friends thres no where else I want to be but I usly rarly get to hang out with them there always so busy with there lives and stuff they have to do and IM siting at home with no hobbies no talents no homework no family stuff no vacaton nothing.

no ones never around when I need them the most!! so I look to other places to act like them to talk to complet strangers I write in my books I pertend that theres someone else there (like an imajenary friend) and turn to my blog. I do anything just to feel like there something there listioning to me hereing what I have to say!.

and when I do finly talk to my friend about it its usly days or weeks latter and they think IM hiding it from them or soething like that. and I really dont like keeping things from my friends but if I were to tell them everything it would put stuch a stran on the friendship and it woul be harder to look at them knowing that they know and I wouldnt be able to be as happy around them. I just want some one to be there right when I need them in that moment some one that I can always count on some one to look after me and ask Qs just be around to be with wouldnt have to tlk doing anything just be there.

STOP TAKING MY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(fuck this!!)

omfg im soooooooooooooooo mad at shannon right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can stand it any more!!!!! im soooo sick of her always stiling my work food art disigns clothing choses and attitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shes always taking everything that mine and then she has the nurve to turn around and say that she only took one thing!!!!!!!!!!! ya try adding all thoughs fucking things up and see how much that makes!!!!!!!!!!
ok for the people that dont know who shannon is shes one of my close friend kinda I mean Iv alway hung out with her and stuff but I mean she gets on my nurves alot!!! shes a friend I know and your not soupost to talk shit about them but I dont know if I can stand it any more!!!!! she really needs to shut her smart ass mouth!!!!!!!!
ok well Iv alway had problems with her but never say it because I dont want to hurt her and I know that shes just going to come out saying that some how shes the victom in all of it and start to cry

well it all kinda started around this year

shannon started geting a little meaner and careless

she startd to take more things with out asking treating stuff like crap

acting like the world revoled around her

saying she had all of thes big problems

and treating me like I wasnt there

and saying stuff she shouldnt

ok well some of the stuff she has done I can ignore most of the time but she dosn know when to stop !!

Iv been lending shannon books ever sinces we meet but now she dosnt bother to take care of them she just leavs them lying on the floor or bending the pages and lending them to people I dont even know!!!! I mean the books arnt even hers there mine!!!! and your soupost to respect your friends things !!! and It really fucking pissed me off when I found one of my books all torn and bent in a pile of toys!!!!!!

another thing she did that realy hurt me was when she stole a relly importen line in one of the poems it wrote and my writing means alot to me (its probly the only thing keeping me from going insane!!) and it was one of the best poems that I had ever wrote!! and when I finl did confront her about it she just said "its one fucking line what dose it matter my poems completly differnt then yours so dont get all mad about it!!!" and her poem was diffent my poem was about a time when you feel that kind of hurt down deep in your stomic and her was about the betral of friends and that one line diffind my poem completly and she had the nerve to take the line thinking she knew what it ment!!!! and when I tryd to confront her again she started to cry saying she was the victom and that I was the bad guy!!!!!!!

ok another I bring food to eat everyday at school now I have to bring food from home cuse I cant afourd to my stuff from the cafe but she can and she ose almost every day and eats that up really quickly. now my friend emma buys food to but she shares with the rest of the people and just dosnt hog it to herself!! and whats worse is when shannon done eating she starts to eat some of my food without asking, now yesterday I had some dentile work done and could only eat serton foods cuse it still hurt and she eat mose of the food I brought!!!! so I barly got anything to eat, so now I havent eaten in almost 2 days!!!!!!!!!

theres so many other thing that she done but I cant say them all!!!

I just dont think IM going to be able to stand it anymore!!! Im sick of the way she acts and they way she treats me!!!!!!

IM tierd and all I want to do is not have to deal with her every fucking day!!!

well I got to go be angery at her now bye bye

goshniss stupid family!!!!!!(tiffys bf is kool!!)

ok people well again havent posted for a hile and mainly because I haven t been up to much but ya . sooo today I went to a mine family reunen kind of thing you know where you have a big dinner with you close family and drink talk and have fun , well mine arnt like that I mean we drink and eat and talk but for me its not that much fun. you see my family dosnt really like me cuse I look and act a bit "diffrent" well I dess in black dont like to talk much and because of that they also tret me diff to and I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! my family all make jokes about me behind my back and usly have something "funny" to say to me and every one laughs when they do, but when they say it its just plan mean to me. they also feel as it that they havbe to keep thelling me that I havent "changed" and that IM not "differnt" but I can tell that there thinking the exsact oppistet. I also dont fit in with any of my cousients I mean I can barly talk to them or hang out with them its that hard . so I usly end up having to sit somewhere near to the parents and liston to there coverstions witch theyt all suck !!!!!!. but at the family reunen my cusient tiffny came down with her bf and he was pretty kool ( he liked my hair :) and not many people do) and the worst part is my mom makes me go to every one of theses things witch sucks cuse there alll the same . but all and all I still love them (and I probly only love them cuse we got the same blood!!) yes that is mostly my familys vese on me well my moms side of the family any way lol

so talk to yous latter

P.S new kill joy kid story coming sooon!!!! "the gum girl"